Monthly Archives: September 2025

For the penultimate email in our series on asking questions, I thought it might be fun to talk about how to mess it up real good! I’ve found if you communicate sufficient interest, empathy and value, you can ask most Muslims pretty much any question you want. Even so, you’ll want to avoid the following common missteps. 

To be clear: I know these are problems because I’ve done them. All. Multiple times. 

Avoid these mistakes:

“Tell me your favorite. . . .” Anytime you ask for a superlative opinion, you’ll tend to paralyze your friend. You can do this with a toddler (“What’s your favorite color?”), because they’re only choosing among two or three tops! Most grownups have a hard time with “best,” “favorite,” and “worst.” Try adding in “some of” to those questions. 

“Wouldn’t you say. . . .” Add a head nod to a question that starts that way and nine out of ten times you’ll receive a positive response. If you’re recruiting someone for Amway, great. If you’re trying to understand another culture, not so much. Known as “leading questions,” these are a nemesis for us Americans. I think it’s based on our overgrown sense that what we think must be right! 

“Why do you do that?” I’m really big on understanding why people do what they do, think what they think and have the opinions they do. Sadly, it’s hard to start a question with “why” and not give off a judgy vibe. It’s the same when asking a dog, a kid, a Muslim or any other adult. Try replacing “why” with something like “what is the purpose.”

As you’d guess, and have possibly experienced, you can mess up in a dozen other ways. But correcting these three is a good start. Keep practicing. And let’s thank God for whatever opportunities he gives us to learn about Muslim friends and love them like Jesus does. 

My mom’s claim to fame, in addition to raising four kids, living with my dad for 40 years and following Jesus with her whole heart and helping others do the same, is this: She caught one of the biggest dolphins (fish, not bottle nose!) in South Carolina in 1972! For an Indiana girl, that’s big stuff! 

When she hooked the fish on a boat off the coast of Charleston, it leapt out of the ocean and shook, causing her to cry out to her boat mates and the staff, “Help me! Somebody help me.” They did, she landed the beast, got her picture taken and we all had dolphin filets through the long, cold Hoosier winter.

I tell you that story because it’s been too long since Mom’s got a decent shout out in Muslim Connect; also because I want you to remember this: Needing help is one of the best ways to initiate conversation and friendship with another person, particularly a Muslim. 

This goes against the American value expressed both by William Ernest Henley’s “Invictus,” line, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul,” and the average American guy’s resistance to asking for directions.

Ask a Muslim for help and you’ll likely get it, and may get a friend in the bargain. Here are some possibilities.

• Visit a Halal grocery store and ask for help finding something. They’re often small and you could find it on your own, but ask for help first!
• In our soccer scenario from last week, ask about football rules, strategy, even the score!
• “Our church is hosting a food drive. Do you know anyone who needs food? Would you like to donate some?”
• “Could I borrow a [ladder, screw driver, cup of sugar]? This one is double good because you get to take it back! (Or a portion of whatever yummy thing you made with the sugar!)
• “Can you help me with this work project.” Or, “Hey, will you be on our team for this school presentation?”

May God bring some Muslims across our paths this week who can help us in an area of need. He knows we have many. 

What’s the most compelling evidence I will not make minimum height at a pole vaulting contest this weekend? The fact that I’ve never pole vaulted! 

If you’ve not spoken to a Muslim in a long time or ever, odds are good the first time you try there will be some awkwardness. Few of us relish awkward situations. Ergo, you’re probably not going to talk to a Muslim. 

The trouble with that is that we need to talk to Muslims! By we, I mean everyone who follows Jesus would benefit from a good conversation with a normal Muslim. We just would. 

So how do you get that going? Check last week’s Muslim Connect for three foundational ideas. This week we’re going to look at one idea and two scenarios.

Use Context to Start a Conversation: Start talking based on what’s going on around you. It’s that simple. There’s a reason we always talk about the weather! 

Scenario One: You’re at your kid’s soccer game and you think the person next to you is Muslim. Ask, “Which one is your kid? Mine is [say their name.]” If they say their kid’s name is Brianna, maybe you’re mistaken about their Islamic identity! Otherwise, follow that up with a compliment, “They’re giving it a good effort.” “They just had a good pass.” Or if needed, “Wow, their uniform is really clean!” 

Follow these questions with ones about the rest of their family, where they live and where they’re from. Some people disagree about “where are you from” questions, but my experience is that most people like to talk about this. Go into it gingerly and you might find it does open some beautiful doors. 

Scenario Two: As I’m writing, devastating news of Charlie Kirk’s murder and the shooting of three students at a Colorado high school fill the news. For a limited time, that’s context more than sufficient to engage in conversation with a Muslim, especially if you live in America. I imagine this, “Wow, crazy times here, eh?” Affirmative response. “Are you a Muslim?” Affirmative response. “How does Islam guide your response to these things?”

To engage in either of these scenarios will involve the bending of standard American social rules. We tend to keep to ourselves. Many Muslim cultures are characterized by a higher degree of interpersonal interaction. Let’s give it a try.

In an earlier stage of my life I was part of a pleasantly audacious band of believers who tested this supposition: If you send a dozen young Americans to an unreached city, task them with asking a bunch of intentional questions for three months, you can actually end up with solid cultural insights.

Turns out it was also great fun and left a permanent mark on my psyche. I enjoy asking people questions. In fact, I prefer to be the questioner. (I understand that part of the reason for that is the asker is both less vulnerable and more powerful. We all have shadows, don’t we?)

I strongly believe Christians would do well to ask a million questions to a bunch of Muslims. It’s possible we understand less than we assume we do. And Jesus is our model here. Seems like he was always asking questions. 

I expect this question theme to carry Muslim Connect forward for a few weeks. Here are the starting fundamentals. 

Cultivate Curiosity 
We serve a God who is great, wise and beautiful beyond our comprehension. We live on a planet filled with wonders whose depth we’ll never plumb. We share the planet with people who interact in ways both fascinating and infuriating. Let’s give ourselves to wonder, not complaint. 

Question Everyone
Each of us has something to learn from each of us. The very image of God is stamped on every human. I believe I can grow by interacting with any of the others. 

Share Yourself
Reflect the vulnerability of the person you’re talking to and maybe even take it a bit deeper. This will help you avoid the “interrogator” effect that sometimes plagued me and my pals when we were learning about Muslims in cities around the globe. 

As we explore this theme, I’ll be praying God opens doors for us all to practice what I’m preaching. Got a favorite question to ask new Muslim friends? Share it with me for upcoming emails in this series. Thank you.