I was at a church conference recently where the main speaker, a brilliant, lettered, experienced man, shared the standard fare regarding contemporary gender wars. In a brief aside toward the end of his time, his words sliced through my malaise. Himself single, he challenged the room full of pastors, spouses and leaders, “You’ve got to do better caring for and reaching out to singles.” I thought of my church and agreed, “Dang, he’s right. We, more accurately I, have failed in this regard.”
Our culture, at least my particular bubble, treats singleness as a waypoint en route to normal married life. As a result, singleness that stretches beyond the reasonable timeframe can feel, both from the inside and out, different, abnormal, like some sort of failure. My church language and programing too often reinforces that idea.
How much more so for single Muslims.
While this varies wildly depending on where and with whom one lives, singleness is even more “out of the norm” in many Muslim cultures. In fact, Islamic teaching says that since Muhammad married, so should Muslims, and there will be no singles in Paradise! Interesting as Jesus seems to indicate in Matthew 20 that there will be no marriage in Heaven!
While single women and men continue to carry much of the weight of world missions (see last week’s email), it’s almost always hard to counter one’s culture. I want to radically empathize with singles, particularly globally minded ones who feel the hundred stings of being “different” and work to find balance and direction amid the various callings of God, culture and their hearts.
Toward that end if you’re single, I apologize for the things I’ve said or written that communicated that “normal life” doesn’t include you. May God give life to your deepest hopes and dreams.